Grief

The many ways that we experience loss and grief…

Whether it’s because of a death, a relationship ended, or loss of job, grief comes for various reasons.

Other life challenges and changes like chronic illness or relocation to a new town can also lead to feelings of grief.

Have you ever felt cheated by death? A loved one taken too soon?

Losing a child or loved one at a young age is like having your heart and soul ripped out of you.

You feel flooded with the shock and disbelief of the loss; questioning what the hell happened and why?

Feelings of grief can cause you to question your faith and leave you feeling alone in your sorrow. The pain feels so deep and unbearable.

Those around you make attempts to lift you up in spirit…

…and this leaves you feeling worse and misunderstood.

Do you feel lost because of your loss?

“I feel like I’m living a bad dream… like I can’t make sense of my life anymore. They were here just a few weeks ago and everything seemed fine. And, now… they’re gone… taken from me. Will I ever seen them again… what do I do? This is just too much.”

Moving to a new home can be exciting, and yet it comes with its challenges. We sometimes relocate due to our jobs, and moving can cause our family members stress.

Your child, depending on their age, can be experiencing feelings of displacement and some grieve alone. Why? Because for children, what’s in their minds may not be the reality they are asked to adapt to and accept.

Life can feel like a fog, uncertain, confusing, and unclear. Your child might be thinking: “Why did we need to move? My life was fine. I had friends. Why did my parents need more?”

A spouse, too, may struggle to adapt to the relocation. Their struggle bears the responsibility of making it all work for everyone involved, putting on the smile when it’s hard to wear, helping the children understand the benefits of moving to their new home, reassuring everyone that everything is going to be just fine.

All the while, they too feel burdened with thoughts such as “God, I hope my kids make good friends and my spouse does well at his new job… I wonder what the other parents are like… I hope I make some friends here, too… I hope this wasn’t a mistake… I feel so lonely… I miss home, and I’m worried about my children.”

The deep sorrow we feel is subjective and a natural response to losing someone or something that is important to you.

Grieving is one of the hardest things to go through.

You may feel overwhelmed with a variety of emotions, like sadness, anger, and loneliness – and for so many different reasons.

There is no such thing as normal when it comes to grief.

The truth is we all grieve at some point in our lives, and the experience is unique to each because of our relationships. So much of who you are may have been because of the person who is no longer in your life, and the quality of that relationship will have a significant impact on the depth of your sorrow and the length of time you will need to accept the loss.

Although conventionally thought of as an emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, and spiritual impacts on us as human beings.

Loss can trigger physical pain.

As a parent, this pain can manifest in our arms, because we yearn to hold our child. Or we may feel an ache in our hearts and question whether we are experiencing a heart attack.

Our mind gets flooded with questions and negative thoughts that lead us to question our faith in God: “Where were you when they needed you? I prayed and asked you to save them? Why have you abandoned me?”

Culturally, you may be expected to grieve in ways that make you feel worse about the loss: “I’m expected to host a memorial service. I don’t even know these people. Why am I doing this?”

Time goes by and you feel alone: “I miss them. I feel like I don’t have friends anymore.” The pain and loneliness can lead you to isolate yourself socially, feeling abandoned to deal with loss all on your own.

Understanding the stages of grief…

To help us regain a sense of normalcy, it is important to learn about the stages of grief and how to cope through the phases

Traditionally, the five stages of grief (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance) are a complex interplay of our emotions and are not sequential.

Actually, we can move back and forth, skip, and regress dependent on situation, topic, and our emotional state.

Denial is nothing more than disbelief that the situation is actual reality, it’s happening, and there is no changing it. People often comment that Denial feels like a dream or, more accurately, a nightmare.

Anger, on the other hand, may cause you to question your faith or direct your emotions at the person who was lost or others.

Sadly, Bargaining occurs when the person who suffered the loss tries to strike a deal with the “powers that be” to trade something, often themselves, for the lost loved one.

Depression, a deep sadness that doesn’t release for an extended period, has implications for physical, financial, and overall health of the person grieving. It saps them of energy, motivation, and focus, leaving them to struggle to put things back together.

Finally, the Acceptance that there is a new “normal” and that those lost will not return sets in, and you may be able to move forward without the loved one but with your memories of them.

Understanding your grief will take time.

Be patient with yourself during this process and know that everyone’s grief is unique. The amount of time you need will depend on the quality of the relationship you had with the loved one who is now gone.

As you begin your grieving process, the intensity of your pain will decrease; and your thoughts and feelings will begin to feel grounded in love and peace again.

Our providers have experienced grief and its various stages. We understand all too well the intensity of pain and sorrowful feelings grief can leave behind.

Acceptance is the goal, and here’s how we’ll reach that goal together.

We’ll help you learn how to keep a normal routine.

Managing symptoms…

We know that you’re likely struggling with symptoms of depression — maybe even questioning whether life is worth living after loss.

Exploring your emotions…

We will help you explore your emotions.

Teaching you coping skills…

The process of therapy is complex, and our approach is to make it highly individualized. As explained previously, the stages of grief are not sequential and not everyone experiences all of them to the same degree. Our work is focused on identifying the stages you are experiencing and develop goals, a plan, implement techniques, and learn skills to navigate the process.

For example, specifically with long-term illness, clients have difficulty recalling good, happy memories of their lost loved one, because their recent experiences were consumed by the illness. They are left with memories of their loved one suffering, in pain, physically changed. We work through to the good memories from the past, before the illness, by looking at photos and recounting stories of better times.

We also lay out a vision of the future and what they expect it to look like without their loved one, instilling acceptance by visualizing the days, weeks, and years to come.

The pain of loss is undeniable…

…yet the sad reality of death is unavoidable.

Grief is truly one of those events for which no one can accurately understand what you’re feeling.

What you do need is a compassionate and kind support system inclusive of professionals who have your best interests at heart. We will never know the depth of your loss, and we want to help get you through this most difficult time.

Let us work with you to settle the sorrow and regain your joy. Call us today for a free phone consultation: (630) 358-9821.

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