Healing Emotional Wounds

Life can really mess with us…

Of course, nearly dying is the obvious thought we have when considering what really hits us hard and can leave a mark.

What we don’t always think of are the more subtle experiences, those required of our job, or the ones we experienced as our “normal” life when we were young.

There are the stereotypical wounds caused by war, and soldiers deserve the recognition of their sacrifice.

There are also the injuries caused by abusive parents; a profession that deals with death, loss, and pain, or those caused by imbalanced relationships that become physically or emotionally violent.

It’s not uncommon for therapists, nurses, police officers, fire-fighters, and doctors to suffer from the cumulative effects of their jobs and have the same negative responses.

Traumatic experiences profoundly impact the ways people deal…

…with their emotions, their environments, and their new experiences. This is the root of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Your past experiences and traumas shape the ways you function in your daily life. For example, many people who were verbally abused by their parents and told they weren’t good enough often struggle internally and in relationships. They are frequently self-critical, doubting their potential and their value regarding their contributions to their work and relationships.

In relationships, the injured person is frequently further abused either physically or emotionally, and struggle to leave. The idea of staying in an abusive situation is somehow better than the risk of leaving and the unknown of what would happen if they did.

Have you ever known anyone…

…or maybe it’s you, that can’t seem to be happy no matter the situation, unless there is some negativity, chaos, or self-sabotage?

We are conditioned by our experiences. If the only form of normal we knew was mostly negative, abusive, hurtful, or depressed, then anything positive can’t feel real and “normal” unless there’s some bad in it.

If a person like this wins the lottery, they would complain they didn’t win more or that they must pay taxes. This is them seeking their idea of what good news is supposed to feel like.

There’s a reason we attach, remember, and are guided by the negative experiences we’ve had. It goes back to our cave days. It’s wired in our brain more strongly and in many more ways than good experiences.

It’s all about survival. We remember the things that hurt us, make us ill, or, in a more modern sense, the things that made our caregiver, partner, or the bully mad or abusive – and we hang on tight to the information. If we don’t ever sort out those feelings, our actions are influenced by them in a multitude of ways.

This is what emotional injury looks like…

Sometimes one repeatedly relives the trauma through flashbacks, hallucinations, nightmares, invasive thoughts, sleep disturbance, or anxiousness.

Certain triggers, such as the anniversary date of the event, can cause a heightened distress.

A person may avoid people, places, thoughts, or situations that remind them of the incident(s). This can lead to feelings of detachment and isolation from family and friends, as well as a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities.

An individual can also experience increases in feeling of excessive emotions, problems relating to others, including feeling or showing affection, difficulty falling or staying asleep, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, and being “jumpy” or easily startled.

A person may also experience physical symptoms such as increased blood pressure and heart rate, rapid breathing, increased muscle tension, nausea and diarrhea.

Helping you heal from emotional wounds…

With guidance from our providers, we will explore the negative perceptions and beliefs… examine the negative thoughts and where these thoughts come from.

You’ll learn about the connection between events, thoughts, and feelings; learning how to feel safe again and re-establish your own sense of personal power. Together, we’ll develop your ability to confront the lies you have come to believe, or that you tell yourself, about your value and who you are. We will reshape the distorted ideas, images, and thoughts you have of yourself that resulted from the conditioning you suffered.

You set the pace as we empathically listen, knowing when to pull back when the emotional intensity is too high or intense for you.

The goals you set will include a safety plan, escape plan (if needed); and you will learn to recognize physical signs of anxiety, dispute faulty mind traps, and re-establish your safe place in the world.

The idea of having a safety plan may be very foreign to you. That makes sense if you haven’t made your well-being a priority for a long time. Basically, we will develop a strategy for you to create boundaries that ensure a safe environment for you while you heal and recover. It may be as minimal as making time for meditation or self-care.

Some of the boundaries may include physical separation from the source of your pain, while other boundaries can be more emotional to create a relationship that is healthier and more balanced. For those in physically abusive situations, the safety plan is likely to include an escape plan, in the event the abuse escalates and becomes life-threatening.

A lot can be done to minimize ways the pain from the past shows up in your daily life. By recognizing the people, places, and events that trigger a response related to past experiences, you can intervene before the feelings build and become disruptive.

The awareness of the things that set your emotions in motion is vital. For example, by using thought logs and taking great care in documenting the times when you feel triggered, patterns will reveal themselves and adjustment can be made to your activities, thinking, and responses.

The added benefits of biofeedback…

Our providers also use biofeedback when appropriate (e.g., heartrate variability and cardiac coherence training) to treat stress-related disorders and PTSD.

You have probably heard the comical story of a young person going on their first date, whose palms are sweaty, and they are feeling gassy. Or you may have experienced some of the physical aspects of stress and trauma yourself. The catchy breathing, stuttering, and the fidgeting that so commonly accompanies over-emotionality.

These and many other physical responses are directly linked to body systems that we have always been told we couldn’t control. That’s not exactly true – in fact, for decades, biofeedback and neurofeedback have been used to do just that.

To go back even farther, much farther, the eastern arts have been practicing self-regulation and body system control for hundreds of years. There are even videos of monks who can control the temperature of their extremities to drastic extents.

All this means you, too, can learn to control your body by increasing your awareness of the changes as they begin. The body tells you you’re stressed long before your emotions realize it… unless you have practiced recognizing the changes. That’s what bio- and neurofeedback sessions are intended to do by using sensitive equipment to show you what is happening in your body and teach you, through audio and visual feedback, to change how it responds. You’re learning to separate the thoughts and memories from the physical response.

Memories are just thoughts. They are only disruptive when the physical changes happen, and we start to feel anxious or overwhelmed. This happens when we don’t know how to intervene before the body takes over. The idea is to be able to remember the incident or events but not have the body response.

Let us help you heal.

It’s odd how in one setting or relationship we can feel so confident, in control, and self-assured and in another we wilt with no self-esteem. It’s common for these feelings to be linked to painful events from the past; and we’re physically feeling the stress, fear, and shame as if it were happening all over again.

There are things that can help, and we can get you to the other side of the pain and disruption.

Let us help you regain your sense of security. Call us for a free phone consultation: (630) 358-9821.