Maternal Stressors
Being a woman is a blessing and, sometimes, a curse.
Who can argue that your children are the most precious gift that you’ve ever been given? They bring so much joy and wonder to you that you hardly remember what your life was before they came along.
That’s definitely true most of the time, but the sad reality is that there are far too many times when you feel the pressure of your role as mom conflicting with your other roles. The balance is a difficult one, and the demands are never-ending.
There’s no time clock, uniform, or limits to the job description or what it includes. If you are like most mothers, you’ve set idealized expectations of yourself, demanding perfection from yourself and your family.
Setting the sights on perfection, which is unattainable by its nature because we always raise the bar, is a slippery slope that can lead to self-criticism, sadness, depression, or anxiety. Heaven forbid you start to compare your life with the social media façade of perfect, storybook lives that depict only the good times, filtered photos, and accomplishments.
The “perfection expectation” leads to disappointment.
The expectations can be exhausting and isolating…
By the time you’ve spent all day chasing the dream of a perfect life and stumble, exhausted through the door, you have no time for self-care, true friendship, or connecting with your family.
The sense that you are not destined to meet your expectations and realize your dreams can cause a loss of trust in your abilities, your self-worth, and your concept of who you are or the contributions you make.
All the effort and time spent leaves you feeling isolated, made worse by the fact your friends are quietly, secretly, fighting the same battle.
Why do we believe we have to push so hard?
…as though we’re machines programmed to accomplish our mission perfectly? Aren’t we human?
Work, shop, cook, clean, care for everyone, and only then can you consider yourself.
The drive to accomplish more, get it all right, and be more for everyone else creates an almost mechanical, robot-like function.
Forget the idea of stopping and smelling the roses, taking in the sights, or pausing to consider the consequences.
Stick to the mission, girl! Do it all! Do it right! Make everyone happy!
…a recipe for disaster if you’re not careful.
So, we end up “sucking it up for the team.” Sure, being given nicknames like “super woman” or “wonder woman” sometimes motivates us to keep pushing forward, but they also put a great deal of pressure on us never to fail.
The clinical implications of daily life stressors…
Clinical studies have linked women’s chronic exposure to these stressors to significant alterations in their emotional well-being and relationships. Anyone under constant, unrelenting stress is bound to react, often in very negative ways.
The stress can challenge your mental resolve and cause you to commit missteps adding to the problem. It produces an unsustainable level of anxiety and emotional demand which, if prolonged, may result in lasting mental health consequences.
No one wants to feel frantic, overwhelmed, pushed to their limits or beyond; and the sense that it’s happening can cause fear feeding a dangerous cycle. You can find yourself forgetting things, making mistakes, being short-tempered, or disinterested in otherwise enjoyable activities.
You may even feel resentment at the expectations others have of you, not to mention the feeling you have of your perception of the imbalance involving the division of labor and responsibilities. It shouldn’t surprise you that it feels like the world is on your shoulders – that you have to do it all for everyone.
These feelings can lead you to isolate yourself, become detached from family and friends, and lose the intimate connections that are so important to you. Your children will seek the connection in whatever ways they can, learning from your example, and impacting their relationships in the future.
The secret is… it doesn’t have to be that way, and you don’t have to feel that way.
It’s hard to know what to do. We’re here to help you with that.
The focus of our efforts will be to reduce exhaustion, depression, anxiety, attachment problems, family issues, and sleep difficulties.
Here’s what we’ll do:
We’ll teach you how to cope with daily stressors in a healthy way, refocusing and reframing the way you think about your daily demands.
We get the idea that a certain pride comes from the sacrifices you make for your family. The sneaky part is the balance that needs to be struck. Some of the balance can be found in learning to empower yourself to delegate the things that can be done by others. You can give up some of the demand by releasing some of the control and expectation. The process allows you to shape your life using skills which serve you in many aspects of your life.
You’ll learn to strengthen known pathways, leveraging your strengths while recognizing your limitations.
It makes sense to make good use of the things that work for you, the known pathways.
The road more traveled, if successful and healthy, is often easier than charting new courses and taking the road less traveled.
Some clients realize, in therapy, that they are good at setting boundaries, or motivating others, or being resilient. Those traits are great for interacting with others and having quality relationships.
Other people come to terms with the emotional injuries from the past that have influenced the ways they function and relate to others as adults.
Both journeys can be hard and sometimes painful, but the reward is great if you put in the time and effort.
We’ll use a variety of evidence-based therapies as well as biofeedback to alleviate your symptoms of anxiety and depression.
You will develop new ways of looking at things.
Using a process that follows a pattern that we can influence, you will explore the way you think about things, because it causes your emotional reaction which prompts your behavior. You can increase your awareness to the people, places, events, and things that lead to unhealthy thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.
The process helps you understand yourself more, because the ways you react to things have been programmed into you through experience and conditioning.
You will learn to reframe your thoughts and assumptions and be more forgiving of the ways you handled things in the past.
Moms are people, too.
We often forget that you have needs and feelings that require attention if you are to survive.
There is no shame in making your needs known, expressing your voice, and expecting to be accommodated. When your needs are met, you discover your truth, your inner guide to the life you dream of and deserve.
Re-ignite the fires of calm, satisfaction, and happiness by calling us today for a free phone consultation: (630) 358-9821.
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