By: Michael Saraceno, MA, LPC, NCC
One of the most exciting parts of college is meeting people you might never have encountered otherwise. One of the hardest parts can be wondering whether you will actually connect with them.
Maybe you are living with a roommate for the first time. Maybe you see groups of friends walking around campus and wonder how everyone met so quickly. Or, perhaps you are surrounded by people but still feel like you have not found your place.
First, take a breath. Making meaningful friendships takes time and the number of people around you is not a measure of how connected you feel.
Psychological research highlights the importance of belonging and supportive relationships for college students’ well-being. Feeling connected can help students feel more engaged, supported, and comfortable seeking help when they need it. But, belonging does not mean that everyone must share your background, interests, beliefs, or experiences.
In fact, college can be an incredible opportunity to learn from people whose perspectives differ from your own.
You might meet someone who grew up in a different country, follows a different faith, has a different family structure, identifies differently than you, or approaches the world in a way you have never considered. Listening with curiosity, asking respectful questions, and being willing to reconsider your assumptions can broaden your understanding of others and yourself.
How can you begin building connections?
โข Start small. Sit beside someone new, introduce yourself before class, ask a classmate about an assignment, or invite someone to grab coffee. Friendships often begin with ordinary conversations.
โข Explore student organizations. Clubs, volunteer opportunities, cultural organizations, intramural sports, creative groups, and shared interest communities give you a natural reason to spend time with people who have something in common with you.
โข Give yourself permission to try something unfamiliar. You do not need to be an expert, an athlete, an artist, or an outgoing person to attend an event. Sometimes the first step is simply showing up.
โข Build a respectful roommate relationship. Discuss expectations around guests, noise, cleaning, shared items, and personal space. You do not have to become best friends to create a comfortable living environment. Clear communication and a willingness to address concerns early can make a real difference.
โข Stay curious when perspectives differ. You can disagree respectfully, learn from another person’s experience, and maintain your own values at the same time.
โข Balance connection with your own needs. It is wonderful to be involved, but you do not have to attend every event or say yes to every invitation. Meaningful relationships leave room for rest, boundaries, and individuality.
And remember: stepping outside your comfort zone does not mean ignoring your instincts or tolerating disrespect. Healthy friendships should allow you to feel safe, valued, and free to be yourself.
You may not meet your closest friends during orientation. You may not connect with every person on your residence hall floor. That is okay.
Belonging is not about being liked by everyone. It is about finding relationships where you can both give and receive respect, support, and understanding.
What is one activity, club, or new experience you would encourage a college student to try when they want to meet people? Your suggestion might be exactly the encouragement someone else needs.
References
Gopalan et al., College Students’ Sense of Belonging: A National Perspective. Nationally representative research examining belonging and its relationship to student engagement, persistence, and mental health.
The Importance of Belonging for Well Being in College Students. Research exploring the relationship between social support, belonging, and well-being.
Research on roommate conflict resolution and university belonging. Examines how roommate relationships, communication, and conflict resolution relate to belonging and psychological distress.