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The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, but for many, it can bring increased stress. The holidays can sometimes feel overwhelming, from financial pressures to family dynamics and the demands of over-scheduling. Clinically speaking, holiday stress can be managed with effective coping strategies that help individuals navigate this busy season while prioritizing their mental and emotional well-being.

Common Sources of Holiday Stress

1. Financial Pressures: The expectation to spend money on gifts, travel, or hosting can create anxiety, especially for those already facing financial difficulties.
2. Time Constraints: The holidays often bring a long list of to-dos—shopping, cooking, attending parties, and managing work responsibilities. The pressure to “do it all” can lead to burnout.
3. Family Tensions: Family gatherings can be a source of joy and stress, particularly if there are unresolved conflicts or someone is coping with grief or loss.
4. Emotional Expectations: The cultural narrative of “perfect” holiday experiences can intensify feelings of inadequacy or loneliness, especially for those struggling with mental health issues.

Clinical Approaches to Managing Holiday Stress

While holiday stress is common, there are several clinically supported strategies to help manage it and promote well-being during this time.

1. Set Realistic Expectations

The pressure to create the “perfect” holiday can be overwhelming. It’s important to set realistic expectations for yourself and those around you. This means:

• Identify Priorities: Focus on what truly matters to you during the holidays—whether it’s spending quality time with family, engaging in meaningful traditions, or simply taking time for rest.

• Communicate Boundaries: Politely set limits on social invitations, family obligations, or work commitments. It’s okay to say “no” if something doesn’t align with your priorities or if you need time to recharge.

2. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is an evidence-based practice that encourages staying present in the moment, which can help reduce stress and anxiety. Simple mindfulness practices such as deep breathing, meditation, or even mindful walking can help activate the body’s relaxation response.

• Deep Breathing: Try the “4-7-8” breathing technique—inhale for 4 counts, hold for 7, and exhale for 8. This can quickly reduce physical tension and stress.

• Mindful Breaks: Take short, intentional breaks during the day to focus on the present moment, whether it’s through a brief walk outside or simply paying attention to your senses.

3. Manage Your Time and Prioritize Self-Care

Effective time management is key to avoiding overwhelm during the holidays. Clinically, it’s recommended to:

• Make a List: Write down your tasks and prioritize them based on urgency and importance. Break larger tasks into smaller steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

• Schedule Rest: Block off time for yourself to relax, recharge, or engage in activities that bring you joy, such as reading or listening to music. Self-care is essential for maintaining your emotional and physical health.

4. Seek Social Support

Strong social support can act as a buffer against stress. Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist about your concerns can provide emotional relief and perspective. Social connections help reduce feelings of isolation and provide validation during a busy, often emotionally charged season.

Conclusion

Holiday stress is real, but it doesn’t have to take over your season. By setting realistic expectations, practicing mindfulness, managing your time, and seeking support when needed, you can maintain balance and enjoy the holidays in a way that prioritizes your well-being. Remember, the key to a fulfilling holiday season is not perfection, but presence and self-compassion.

Failure and setbacks are inevitable parts of the human experience. Yet, they often bring feelings of shame, inadequacy, and self-doubt. As a licensed clinical psychologist, I have witnessed firsthand how individuals can turn these challenging moments into opportunities for growth and resilience. By integrating principles from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), this blog will explore how to transform failure into a powerful catalyst for personal development.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Failure

Failure triggers an array of emotional responses, including disappointment, frustration, and fear. These emotions, while natural, can become debilitating if left unaddressed. Research highlights that rumination, or repetitive negative thinking, often follows failure and exacerbates emotional distress (Nolen-Hoeksema et al., 2008). To break free from this cycle, it is essential to develop a healthier perspective on failure.

The ACT Approach: Embracing Acceptance and Values

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) emphasizes accepting difficult emotions rather than avoiding them. Avoidance often amplifies emotional pain and limits personal growth. Instead, ACT encourages us to acknowledge and sit with uncomfortable feelings without judgment.

Practical ACT Strategies:

-Defusion Techniques: ACT teaches us to “defuse” from negative thoughts, viewing them as transient mental events rather than facts. For instance, instead of saying, “I am a failure,” reframe it as, “I am having the thought that I failed.”

-Values Clarification: Failure can provide a unique opportunity to reconnect with what truly matters. Ask yourself: “What does this setback reveal about my values?” By identifying core values, you can use them as a compass to guide future actions.

-Committed Action: Aligning behavior with values creates momentum. Even small steps toward a meaningful goal can foster a sense of progress and resilience.

Reframing Failure With CBT

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) offers powerful tools for challenging and reframing unhelpful thoughts. Negative automatic thoughts (e.g., “I’ll never succeed” or “This setback defines me”) often distort reality and perpetuate low self-esteem.

Key CBT Techniques:

-Cognitive Restructuring: Examine the evidence for and against your negative beliefs. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” reflect on past achievements or times when you overcame adversity. Replace unhelpful thoughts with balanced, evidence-based alternatives.

-Behavioral Experiments: Challenge limiting beliefs by testing them in real-life scenarios. If you fear trying again after failure, start with a low-stakes task to rebuild confidence.

-Problem-Solving Skills: Focus on actionable steps to address challenges. Breaking a larger goal into manageable tasks reduces overwhelm and increases the likelihood of success.

Building Psychological Flexibility

Psychological flexibility, a cornerstone of ACT, refers to the ability to adapt to changing circumstances while remaining aligned with personal values. Research underscores that individuals with higher psychological flexibility are better equipped to cope with adversity and maintain emotional well-being (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010).

Steps to Cultivate Flexibility:

-Mindfulness Practice: Engage in mindfulness exercises to increase present-moment awareness and reduce emotional reactivity.

-Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness during moments of failure. Self-compassion fosters resilience by reducing self-criticism and promoting emotional balance (Neff, 2003).

-Growth Mindset: Embrace the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning (Dweck, 2006). A growth mindset transforms failure into an opportunity for growth rather than a fixed limitation.

Final Thoughts

Failure is not the opposite of success; it is part of the journey toward growth. By adopting evidence-based strategies from ACT and CBT, you can transform setbacks into comebacks. Embrace failure as an opportunity to clarify values, develop psychological flexibility, and cultivate resilience. Remember, it’s not about avoiding failure but learning to rise stronger each time you fall.

References

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

Fletcher, D., & Sarkar, M. (2013). Psychological resilience: A review and critique of definitions, concepts, and theory. European Psychologist, 18(1), 12-23.

Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010). Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. Clinical Psychology Review, 30(7), 865-878.

Metcalfe, J. (2017). Learning from errors. Annual Review of Psychology, 68, 465-489.

Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.

Nolen-Hoeksema, S., Wisco, B. E., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). Rethinking rumination. Perspectives on Psychological Science, 3(5), 400-424.

Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). Posttraumatic growth: Conceptual foundations and empirical evidence. Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.

In today’s fast-paced world, stress, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion have become all too common. While therapy and mindfulness practices offer valuable support, an ancient Japanese practice—Shinrin-yoku, or forest bathing—provides a natural, scientifically-backed way to nurture mental and emotional well-being. Rooted in the idea that immersing oneself in nature has profound healing effects, forest bathing is more than just a walk in the woods—it’s a mindful experience that fosters emotional resilience and mental clarity.

What is Forest Bathing?

Developed in Japan in the 1980s as a response to rising stress levels and technology-driven lifestyles, forest bathing encourages individuals to engage their senses in a natural setting. Rather than hiking for exercise or focusing on reaching a destination, this practice invites people to slow down, breathe deeply, and fully absorb the sights, sounds, and scents of the forest. Studies show that this form of nature therapy has measurable effects on reducing stress, improving mood, and enhancing overall mental health (Park et al., 2010).

The Psychological Benefits of Shinrin-yoku

Research has consistently demonstrated that forest bathing can have a powerful impact on emotional and psychological well-being. Some of the key benefits include:

• Reduces Stress and Anxiety: Exposure to nature lowers cortisol levels, the body’s primary stress hormone, leading to a state of deep relaxation (Lee et al., 2011).
• Enhances Emotional Resilience: Time spent in nature helps regulate emotions, improving mood stability and reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression (Bratman et al., 2015).
• Boosts Cognitive Function: Immersion in green spaces enhances focus, creativity, and problem-solving skills, making it a valuable tool for mental clarity.

Forest Bathing as a Tool for Emotional Growth

Beyond its physiological effects, forest bathing fosters emotional growth by encouraging self-reflection, mindfulness, and a deeper connection to the natural world. Engaging with nature in this way can promote a greater sense of purpose, inner peace, and a strengthened ability to navigate life’s challenges.

Incorporating Forest Bathing into Daily Life

While access to dense forests may not always be possible, the principles of Shinrin-yoku can be adapted to any natural environment. Spending time in a park, walking mindfully among trees, or simply disconnecting from technology to engage with nature can all provide similar benefits.

As mental health professionals seek holistic approaches to well-being, nature therapy offers a simple yet profoundly effective way to support emotional and psychological growth. Whether practiced in a quiet forest or a nearby green space, forest bathing serves as a powerful reminder that healing can often be found in the natural world around us.

References

Bratman, G. N., Hamilton, J. P., Hahn, K. S., Daily, G. C., & Gross, J. J. (2015). Nature experience reduces rumination and subgenual prefrontal cortex activation. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 112(28), 8567-8572.

Lee, J., Park, B.-J., Tsunetsugu, Y., Ohira, T., Kagawa, T., & Miyazaki, Y. (2011). Effect of forest bathing on physiological and psychological responses in young Japanese male subjects. Public Health, 125(2), 93-100.

Park, B.-J., Tsunetsugu, Y., Kasetani, T., Kagawa, T., & Miyazaki, Y. (2010). The physiological effects of Shinrin-yoku (taking in the forest atmosphere): Evidence from field experiments in 24 forests across Japan. Environmental Health and Preventive Medicine, 15(1), 18-26.

In the time of social media, having perspective about your truth is really important. This issue is really big, but let’s focus on one specific aspect – the use of a platform that can become an easy way to bully, distort, and spread ugliness exponentially. Rumors, gossip and the ‘telephone game’ are as old as humanity. Many people are keyboard warriors, because it’s easier to post anonymously, avoiding direct contact and immediate repercussions. We know anonymity created as a member of a crowd seems to embolden someone to add even more ugliness into the conversation. The depersonalization and jumping on the bandwagon with little chance of being held accountable seems to fuel the fire. We know that it can become so severe that kids have even moved schools, and the focus may shift, but the post remains as a reminder and reference. The truth is, the bully and their audience are seldom responsive to direct efforts to cease their behavior. Even “safe places” and “safe words” may send the wrong message – that the individual has no power to stop the behaviors of others. That isn’t necessarily true. Despite how it feels, what they can manage is how they chose to manage themselves in the situation.

First, it’s important to remember that rumors are just rumors and they fade when something more exciting comes along to get the attention of the crowd. The rumor starter tells a lot about themselves – generally that they are socially inappropriate, petty, and manipulative – and unfortunately, that person seldom is held accountable for their actions. We need to encourage our children to think about managing these individuals and situations and how not to take these words personally. The options available include getting off social media, choosing to disengage from the person, what it looks like to ignore it or the person themselves, calling the person out for their inappropriate behavior, or the famous “what is wrong with you?”. Help them by learning when directness is and is not an option, gaining insight into knowing where their boundary lies, and understanding that being targeted by inappropriate behavior is a sad but typical part of growing up.

Developmentally, kids are learning how to function in society and with other people. We are all behaving in ways that impact others. Deciding how to address conflicts may be uncomfortable, feel like more trouble, and may make things temporarily more difficult. But, when we help our kids learn that there are ways that they can get through this by being their own advocates, we help them learn that their personal power is within themselves. Bullies are cowards who need audiences. The words and actions taken by bullies are unacceptable behaviors and are not reflective of the target. Bullies look for people who will react to their inappropriate efforts. Encouraging kids to know when to talk about these issues and to develop a plan to address these situations may help a great deal. Kids generally prefer to avoid such conversations and inadvertently end up isolated and alone, feeling like it is the end of the world. It’s helpful to teach kids that seeking advice and support is not the same as tattling. If someone is behaving terribly to the point that there is the potential for bigger problems, then that person will have generated their own outcome – not the person who seeks support to stop the inappropriate behavior.

Another tool is to help kids understand the temporary nature of most things and the skills to get through these situations, which is often to disengage. One kid I know was wise and chose to stay out of the rumor mill involving him. When someone asked him if he knew what was being said about him, he responded, “Wow, I must be really interesting and important if there are whole discussions about me. Sounds like these knuckleheads have very little to do if their world involves talking about me.” In a similar situation, another kid responded, “but they are saying that I am xxxx”, which was a lie. I reminded the child that someone saying something doesn’t make it true. It’s best to give the person the stare, ask them what is wrong with them and shake your head. Once a bully realizes that you aren’t going to engage, they often move on. The kid stopped rewarding the rumors with the distress and upset that the bully wanted, the discussion died down quickly, and the bully moved on to another target despite the social media post remaining online.   Unfortunately, many of the rules to make the world “safe” aren’t going to necessarily work all the time. What each of us has inside of us is the ability to manage and decide how we want to handle our side of targeted inappropriate attention. At times, it may mean going to an advocate who will go with you to the next authority figure to resolve the situation. Someone targeted and bullied isn’t powerless. The range of resolution or ending it may not always be optimal or possible. However, giving our children the message that they don’t have to stand by helplessly and take it, but they can learn to advocate for themselves and develop an important life coping skill. What used to be handled in the school yard is now online for many kids, and this environment is bigger than they understand or are prepared to effectively manage. Talk to your kids and open the path to help them develop skills to think through these situations and generate solutions.

The holiday season is often associated with joy, connection, and celebration, but for many people, it can also trigger anxiety—especially around social situations. Large gatherings, family dynamics, or the pressure to appear festive can feel overwhelming, but with a few mindful strategies, you can manage these feelings and enjoy the holidays with more peace.

1. Set Realistic Expectations

It’s easy to get caught up in the pressure of holiday perfection. From attending multiple events to pleasing everyone, this pressure can exacerbate anxiety. Give yourself permission to set realistic goals for social activities. You don’t have to attend every gathering or create a flawless experience. It’s okay to say “no” when necessary and focus on events that truly matter to you.

2. Plan Your Exit Strategy

If the idea of a long social event makes you anxious, create a plan that allows you to leave early if you need to. Let the host know you may need to slip out or take breaks. Having an exit strategy reduces feelings of being trapped, and simply knowing you have a way out can alleviate anxiety.

3. Take Breaks to Recharge

Holiday social events can be draining, especially if you’re naturally introverted or dealing with anxiety. Take moments to step outside, find a quiet room, or do breathing exercises to recharge. Even five minutes away from the crowd can help calm your nerves and give you the energy to re-engage.

4. Focus on What You Can Control

During holiday events, you might face difficult family dynamics, unexpected conversations, or awkward moments. Rather than trying to control the environment or other people’s behavior, focus on what you can manage—your reactions. Grounding techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness can help you stay calm and present, no matter what’s happening around you.

5. Bring a Supportive Friend or Family Member

If possible, attend events with a close friend or family member who understands your anxiety. Having a support system in the room can make a huge difference. They can act as a comforting presence and help redirect you if you start feeling overwhelmed.

6. Prepare Conversation Starters

One source of anxiety during social events is not knowing what to say. Prepare a few simple conversation starters to ease into interactions, like asking about someone’s holiday plans, favorite traditions, or thoughts on a recent movie or book. This can help break the ice and reduce awkwardness.

7. Practice Self-Care Before and After

Taking care of your mental health before and after social events is essential. Engage in activities that calm you before heading out, like meditation, exercise, or listening to music. After the event, allow yourself to unwind, process, and reflect in a way that supports your well-being.

8. Seek Professional Help, if Needed

If anxiety around social situations becomes overwhelming or interferes significantly with your life, it may be time to seek professional support. Speaking with a therapist can help you develop personalized coping strategies for managing holiday anxiety and beyond.

The holidays don’t have to be a time of stress. With these practical steps, you can approach social situations with more confidence, giving yourself the gift of peace this season.

How much time do you spend preoccupied, planning, and strategizing about being engaged in your self-defeating behaviors or actions? Do you practice these self-defeating behaviors while trying to connect in the present moment, and wonder why you are so unhappy? Do your filters only allow you to look through a past that doesn’t exist any longer? Are your choices and relationships about reinforcing self-destructive behaviors and patterns? Do you constantly re-create old patterns in your relationships with the world, others, and yourself and then wonder why you always “feel like” a failure? (Remember, feelings aren’t facts; they are cues to tell us something important is going on and we need to get into our head, get grounded, and check it out.)

If you were willing to create a moment (just a single moment) where you committed to interrupt the pattern of being driven unhealthy impulses, where you contemplate not engaging in self-defeating behaviors, what would the present be like for you? Would you look at this moment as a new creation? Would you see yourself as someone who cared for and respected you? Would you be willing to look at your body without judgment or intent to bring harm to it? If you were willing to keep your eye on your goal of being healthy, creating calm and peace today, and think your way through the moment, do you think your self-destructive behaviors might lose their appeal?

What you see depends on what you’re looking for. Source Unknown
So with that, I’d like to ask you, are you managing your life? Or is some self-destructive automatic sequence driving it with you in the passenger’s seat screaming about feeling out of control? Now, that is not to say challenging negative behaviors and interrupting destructive patterns is easy or simple….indeed, it will fight back. Habits, especially old automatic ones, die slowly, and have the gusto of dry grasslands during the dry season when fires start.

My challenge to you is this: Today for a moment; own your own thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Clear your view towards being healthier, and then act as if you are running your life. Unchoose feeding the self-destructive and self-defeating thoughts, in this moment – they aren’t helpful to you. Those urges to choose to be unhealthy will lie to you; like a toddler telling you they aren’t tired, when in fact anyone within 5 miles can see they are indeed of a much-needed nap. They will pull on you, and wait for you to let your guard down.

Sitting through them, using those coping skills to SIT THROUGH the suck, and allowing you to fill time and your attention to focus on what you want to create – health, peace, contentment.  Yes, it will be tough, but five minutes of healthy focus and feeling the feeling and not being self-defeating can become 10 minutes, then over time, 30 minutes, then an hour and so on.  Train your body and mind to focus on the thing you want – health, peace, contentment.  Train so that your deep breath now starts the pathway to calmness and self-containment.  The feelings, they’ll pass.  If in this moment, you keep your eye on that goal of being healthy, and you are willing to say “NO” to your these unreasonable and impulsive urges, negative thoughts and unhealthy behaviors, and choose instead to make a decision in your own best interest, what do you think this moment could be like for you?

Someone who struggles with food or body image may need extra support to get through family gatherings, holiday meals and overall social activities. Below are some tips on how to support a loved one during family or food centric events.

1. Acknowledge that these holidays may be stressful

Sit down with the person and identify the stressors that they may experience in these situations. Listen to their concerns about what they may experience or have anxiety about in these situations. If the person is seeing a mental health professional, this is also a great time to encourage holding a session to discuss these concerns and develop coping strategies for these encounters.

2. Validate, acknowledge and listen

Listen to their concerns and make an attempt to understand their perspective. Holidays can often create stress for your loved one when eating and body image concerns are present. These types of events can cause familial conflict and stress for your loved one as well with other family members. Additionally, making time to check in with your own feelings and validating your own experience is important during holidays as well. Family and supporting people often experience the same amount of stress when supporting family as it is for the person who is directly struggling with these issues. Be aware of being compassionate towards your loved one as well as your own needs during this time.

3. Come up with a plan

Come up with a plan on how to get through each event. This may be having strategies on how to prepare for, manage through and decompress after an event. There may need to be a plan for how to communicate or how much is communicated to family about these struggles. Additionally, how to manage through food related activities as well as comments from others. Lastly, devise plans if there is a need for in-the-moment support or unforeseen stresses. This can be as simple as coming up with a timeline and sticking to it or having a neutral word to signal to use if the event is causing too much distress for the person in the moment.

4. Keep things structured as much as possible

Outside of these events, making sure that moderation, balance and variety is unkempt can help weather the impact of these celebrations. As much as possible, creating stability in between can help with easing anxieties and offer consistency that can help lessen the impact that these events can create.

5. Create a purpose for holiday events that do not center around food

Take time to identify with your loved one a different purpose for these celebrations that are not food centric. Some examples can be looking forward to spending time with family members or certain family activities during the celebration (i.e. building a snowman, family get-together games, etc). Remembering that the holidays can be fun for different reasons that do not include food can be an essential part of supporting a loved one through these events and serves as a reminder of what the true meaning behind such celebrations are for all.

Mental health is crucial for overall well-being, yet it often goes unnoticed in schools. As students navigate the complexities of academics, extracurricular activities, and social dynamics, the pressures they face can become overwhelming. To alleviate these pressures, both parents and students need to work together to promote mental wellness within the school environment.

The Rise of Mental Health Issues

In recent years, there has been a notable increase in mental health challenges among students. Issues such as anxiety, depression, and stress are becoming more common. Many students feel overwhelmed by the pressures of school, whether from academic expectations or social interactions. This constant pressure can lead to feelings of inadequacy and burnout, diminishing motivation and overall happiness.

The Role of Academic Pressures

Academic pressures significantly contribute to mental health challenges. The competition for high grades, college placements, and scholarships creates an environment where students feel compelled to strive for perfection. This unyielding pursuit often leads to heightened anxiety and a fear of failure. When students perceive their self-worth as tied to their academic performance, it can negatively affect their self-esteem and overall well-being. Recognizing the impact of these

pressures is the first step in addressing mental health concerns.

Creating a Supportive Environment

To foster a supportive environment, open communication between parents and students is essential. Parents should encourage their children to discuss their feelings and challenges openly. By creating a safe space for conversation, students may feel more comfortable expressing their concerns and seeking help when needed. It’s also vital for parents to be aware of the signs of mental health struggles, such as changes in behavior, withdrawal from activities, or declining academic performance. Early interventions can make a significant difference in a student’s mental health journey.

Resources and Strategies

Many schools offer resources to support students’ mental health, including counseling services, mental health workshops, and stress relief activities. Parents can play an active role in encouraging schools to prioritize these initiatives. Engaging with school administrators and advocating for mental health programs can lead to positive changes in the school environment. At home, establishing routines that promote balance is equally important. Setting aside time for relaxation, hobbies, and family activities fosters connection and joy. Encouraging students to

engage in activities they enjoy can provide an essential outlet for stress relief.

The Power of Mindfulness

Mindfulness practices can significantly enhance students’ ability to manage stress. Simple techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, or spending time in nature can help students refocus and regain a sense of calm. These practices not only improve concentration but also promote a more positive mindset. Encouraging students to incorporate mindfulness into their daily routines can be a valuable tool for maintaining mental wellness.

Conclusion

Mental health is a vital aspect of the school experience. By fostering open communication, utilizing available resources, and promoting healthy habits, parents and students can create a supportive environment that prioritizes mental well-being. Together, they can transform the narrative around mental health in schools, ensuring that every student feels valued, supported, and ready to thrive. It’s crucial to recognize that prioritizing mental health is not just beneficial for individual students; it contributes to a healthier school community.

Written by: Kristen Beeck, LPC

I woke up this morning to my alarm blaring from my phone. 7:00 am. I groaned, not wanting to get up. Five more minutes, I thought to myself. When I woke back up, it was 7:42. Oops, I overslept! If only my parents were here to keep me accountable. In what felt like just a few seconds, I jerked out of bed, threw on whatever clothes were within reach, grabbed my backpack, and dashed toward my first college class.

As I raced across campus, I couldn’t help but admire the view. The sun was warm and bright, the beautiful pink and purple tulips were still in bloom, and the leaves on the trees were just starting to change into autumn hues of brown and red. Just then, a brilliant blue jay caught my eye. It was perched on a low-hanging branch on the magnificent oak tree in the center of campus. It effortlessly skipped from one branch to the next, conquering each one like it was a level in a game. Suddenly, it soared into the sky, out of view, and ready to embark on its new journey. This sighting stayed with me throughout the rest of the day. Something about it seemed so familiar.

Later that night as I lay in bed, I realized that the blue jay and I had something in common. We’re both embarking on a journey, one we never experienced before. I left behind the comforts of what I once knew: my hometown, family, and the friends I made along the way; just like the bird soared from its tree that it seemed to know so fondly. Watching it fly so effortlessly made me realize that maybe this change, though unknown and challenging, could also be liberating.

I decided right then and there that the Blue Jay will be my college mascot. It symbolizes the jump I’ve taken into independence. Sure, I might stumble over my alarm clock or struggle with deadlines, but I know my parents equipped me with the tools and skills needed to succeed. They taught me to be resilient, persevere, and never take anything for granted. I will make them proud.

I grabbed my phone from my nightstand and texted my parents for the first time since they helped me move into this dorm a few days prior. “I just wanted to say how amazing you both are. Leaving home was hard, but you did an amazing job raising me. Seeing a blue jay today reminded me that you’ve always encouraged me to spread my wings. I’m excited about this new chapter in life and appreciate everything you’ve done. I love you both!” As I hit send, I felt a sense of comfort and radiance. I am ready to take on whatever college throws at me, and I will take it with freedom and grace, just like the blue jay.

#ModernMePsychology #Parenting #CollegeTransition #EmptyNest #GrowingUp

Written by: Nahrain Tavolacci, Psy.D.

While vacationing in northern Wisconsin, I found myself captivated by Loons with their chicks on their backs going for rides around the lake. I learned that the chicks become independent by 12 weeks of age. Thereafter, the parents hoot to communicate their desire to figure out one another’s location in an effort to maintain their loving connection to their chicks. I cannot imagine separating from my children that early.

My son left for college this year at 18 years of age and I remind myself every day since he left that I have done all I can at this point. My husband and I have raised a good human with a sound mind and kind heart. I have to trust that all things will work out for the highest and greatest good of humanity – an affirmation I chose to embrace and live by. The only control I have now is to remain the safe and loving support my son needs from me, when he needs me. While a loon hoots to their chicks, we humans do similar by texting or calling our children. Our effort is to communicate our love and support to our children as they navigate their environment with what we hope is pure confidence without losing their connection to us.

This stage in our development as parents causes many to reflect and question where the time has gone and whether or not we will survive the distance from our child. In the beginning, like loons, our children ride on our backs while we swim in our lakes. At some point, our children choose to swim or fly off to create a beautiful adult life for themselves.

While this transition can be full of mixed emotions, it welcomes the start of a new chapter for everyone involved, bringing adventure, pleasure, sorrow, pain, joy, and wisdom. This distance is partially responsible for the transformation in the self and our relationships over the lifespan of our attachments.

#ModernMePsychology #emptynesters #lifetransitions #parenting #mentalhealthmatters